This is Why. (Exhaustion and Patience Pt.2)

Have you ever been tired beyond belief? Of course you have you’re human just like everyone else. So I avoid paying a hefty lost property fee at the gym when the custodian managed to find the key I lost. I was at my breaking point for the last two weeks and I didn’t need this to add itself to the list. So crisis averted temporarily until I met an angel on my way home earlier this afternoon

This kindred spirit held a sign that said “You’re amazing”. Wow… I’m crying why remember that experience. I started sobbing uncontrollably in public because I’m exhausted… I asked him if I could take a picture and he gave me his consent. I rhetorically asked him with my voice cracking

“Why are you doing this?”

He smiled earnestly and said “because I want to and I need to do this. This is what the world needs.”

We then proceeded to hug each other like we’ve known each other our entire lives. He held me with so much emotion that I shut down from the compassion.

I needed that. God I needed that.

I’m doing my damn best and it just doesn’t seem like it’s enough.

Older adults tell me all the time that ‘you’re young you can’t be tired. You’re in college this is the easy part in life. You haven’t seen the real world yet.

*Channels my inner Kdot* MISS ME WITH THAT BULLSHIT. Yes the hell I am tired. I have a right to be and your harmless dismissal is pretty damn harmful.

I work, love, try, live, do, run, cry, fight, laugh, exist, challenge,

Hard.

Don’t you dare try to dismiss or trivialize my hardships.

I’ve truly embraced the Danish cultural perception towards friendship and family. It’s truly quality over quantity. I have people who I consider close friends back home and will say that they know me pretty well.

For those who held me down consistently. Thank you. I truly love and appreciate you immensely. You all give me so much strength and keep me grounded. I’m always gonna be here for you. I’m so proud of all of you. You’re incredible and remarkable people!

When you go abroad you’re taking your presence with you. A very scarce people back at home reach out and check to see how I’m doing and filling me in on their lives back home too. I love small talk, it’s underrated. I’m not dead, I’m alive. I miss you each and every single day. Meet me where I’m at like I tirelessly meet you where you’re at. It’s a two way streak.

Yeah people don’t tell you about the important hardships needed to attain the ‘post abroad glow’. They’re just as valid and important as the great times. Trust and believe that this was a much needed revelation in my young life. I’m looking forward to telling those who plan to travel about the full abroad experience, not just the good parts. That’s false advertising.

I’m not looking forward to the I miss yous from people who I haven’t heard from in months. Don’t only appreciate me when we’re physically together. That’s insincere in my opinion and I’m not here for it. You can keep that for other people, not I.

I’m keeping hope alive for a lot of things in my life because I’ve been to the abyss at different points in my life. I remember as a child questioning my self love and worth in a world that seems so merciless at times. That’s hell. No one should ever feel unloved and unwanted.

I’m the way I am because I’m trying to bring balance back to the world. There’s more love in this world than hate. The love however is openly expressed less than that of hate and scattered. This is for a plethora of reasons and I’m sure that everyone can come up with reasons. Love is stronger than hate. That is an undeniable truth. I’ll remember that until the day I leave this world and then beyond that.

My patience is wearing thin. I didn’t know how long I can keep it together and I’m still surprising myself. I’m honestly surprise how strong I am when that’s my only option.

My strength comes from my vulnerability. That takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to the world knowingly that you could get hurt. Some will call it foolish and others would say its brave.

Frankly I don’t care about the answer that much. People are gonna think what they’re gonna think and that’s their business.

Some Advice

1. Put our pride aside and reach out to others. We have not the slightest idea about what they may be going through.

2. Learn to show love and appreciation towards others in a way that they can receive and accept it.

3. If everyone was selfless (which is very possible) we wouldn’t have to be so damn selfish.

4. Don’t act out of guilt. Take accountability and make amends when a wrong has been committed.

5. We do not get to tell others when and why they shouldn’t be upset about something. That’s toxic and selfish.

6. Love. Love with no regrets and the utmost sincerity.

7. No one is busy 24/7/365. That five minutes to reach out can be a life saver. I’m speaking from personal experience.

8. Thank your true friends and family more often. Most of the time there’s a lot of feelings and words that remain left unsaid until it’s too late.

9. Be kind to strangers.

10. No one is perfect. If that was true there wouldn’t be any need for more than one person to exist in this world.

11. Be good and do good.

I’m angry and sad but more than anything else I’m hurting.

As always Ignite Hope. Much peace, love, and happiness.

Remember: “You’re amazing.”

It’s okay not to be okay. You’re never alone. Even when it feels and looks that way, you’re not.

I promise.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s