For the entirety of my life thus far I have a longstanding relationship with hope. It’s what has been a powerful force in my life to continue to do the things that I do. For me hope is my comfort for an unknown and scary future. But what happens when the last ounce of hope is
One of the things that I always believed and cherished just runs out.
Well I grieve and grieve some more.
I cry out in anguish and just allow my emotions to cycle through my mind, body, and soul.
I’m human and I have the right to do so. My feelings are my feelings alone and I must control them and let them out.
One of my closest friends that I love and appreciate dearly said this “you must get to the point where if there is no one by your side and you’re all alone, you need to be able to be alright. You must be able to establish that foundation for yourself. No one else can do that. I know you’re capable of doing it.”
Thank you. I care for you more than I’ll ever be able to express to you. You are a gem and so precious. Know that I will always be rooting for you no matter what because you are truly one of a kind and you deserve to be happy.
I deserve to be happy.
I’ve come to realize this and I’m still learning. “Do not allow anyone to be the cake of your happiness. That is your sole responsibility and yours alone. They may be the icing or cherry but YOU MUST ALWAYS BE THE CAKE!”
My relationship with hope has changed. Hope and I need to have some reconciliation and time to think about ourselves and each other. I don’t distrust you hope but I must relearn to trust and believe in myself.
That’s going to take an undisclosed amount of time.
Andru how are you feeling?
I feel everything. I always have and always will. Right now I’m incapable of describing one core emotion that stands above the rest. Perhaps it’s better that way because balance is always needed. We need balance for the world to make sense.
I’m really happy that I made the impulsive decision to be a student blogger. It was a great decision.
I’m really happy to have been able to get the opportunity of studying abroad. I would do it again without question.
I do know this for sure however.
I am hope.
Hope is I.
For as long as I live I will be an embodiment of hope.
That’s a promise that shall never be broken.
I just gotta take it one day at a time.
This is a very difficult time in my life but the light is never out of my reach.
Know and always know this.
I love you.